it's really difficult to CHANGE

A teenager is not an easy stage in life. Most teens conform to the society he/she lives in. Teenage life is also a preparation for adulthood which makes it a lot more difficult to handle.

As I first read the poem "Hanging Fire" of Audre Lorde, I felt the frustration and anxiety the fourteen-year old African American girl felt for herself.

***
...my skin has betrayed me.
...how come my knees are always so ashy.
***

She believed that her skin has betrayed her maybe because it wasn't the color of skin she liked. And the skin she had wasn't completely accepted by many. I also thought that her knees were ashy because of the downfalls she has taken. I believe that she really underwent a lot of struggles in her life.


***
what if I die before morning...
suppose I die before graduation...
will I live long enough to grow up...
and momma's in the bedroom with the DOOR CLOSED.
***

Here, the teen is always thinking of death and it also has its incremental effect. At first she just thought that what if is she dies. Next, she thinks of the possibility of dying. And lastly, she questions of living a long life. In the end of every stanza, she always mentions of her momma in the bedroom with the door closed. I think the teen and her mom has a conflict. Notice that the door was only closed and not locked. There may be a boundary between the two of them but this doesn't mean that one can't reach out for the other. Maybe the mother wasn't guiding her daughter and this caused the girl psychological problems.


***
There is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done.
***

The girl is worried of almost everything but I think she isn't doing any significant act to counter her problems. The title, Hanging Fire, is an early form of weapon. It is when the fuse of a cannon is lit, but does not immediately go off. It's like the fire has stopped for just a second before it ignites. It is also an idiom which could mean delaying or to prolong. I personally believe that the title has a connection with these lines. The teen is somehow prolonging her sufferings because she's just waiting for change but she does nothing.


The poem basically has a lesson that all Filipinos can relate to. Why? Because we, Filipinos, are also like the teen in the poem. We are very anxious of our current government that's why we want change in our country. But we do nothing to solve it. In fact, we're adding more problems to society. I'm guilty of this reality too. And maybe this poem could also be a guide for self reflection to many. If we want change, do something. Don't just wait for miracles because miracles are still on our own hands. (: